


Pick Up The Pieces

by Raven052



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Caught in the Act, Cheating, Dreams, Lack of Sleep, Multi, Set in 2014, Sexual Content, cold shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 17:03:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1990752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven052/pseuds/Raven052
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard has a lot of things on his mind lately, but it's the things he's trying to forget that keep him awake at night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pick Up The Pieces

Gerard woke up suddenly. Eyes snapped open, wide awake in an instant.   
He couldn’t figure out where the unsettled feeling had come from at first, and tried to figure out why he felt so hot, he could feel sweat on him.   
Then the dream came back to him, the one he’d so quickly snapped awake from. 

He’d been in it again.  
 _He? C’mon Gerard, let’s not be a coward. ‘He’ has a name._  
Frank had been in it again. 

_One of those strange dreams where it seems like the present, but you realise it’s the past. The dream was set, probably, around 2005, though Gerard wasn’t sure. All he knew was how Frank had looked. Two-tone hair, piercing still present and correct, make up on his face. Bold make up, unlike the eyeliner he’d mellowed to and eventually faded out completely.  
He knew they’d been back stage. Just come off their set. Frank was bouncing, just like he had been on stage, still not down from the stage high. Gerard was behind him, feeling exhausted, but ecstatic. Frank had paused, turned, grinned at him, then flung his arm around Gerard’s shoulders.   
“Feels a little like sex, huh?”   
Gerard had laughed, almost nervously. “What?”   
“On stage!” Frank clarified. “It’s like- You let go, completely. It feels good!” Then Frank laughed. “I got no idea what I’m talking about.”   
Again. Gerard laughed. “Me neither. I only know that if this is what you’re like after sex, I don’t know if I could handle you.”   
Gerard blushed as soon as he realised what he’d said.   
Frank stopped walking, abruptly, then turned to Gerard, looking him over, carefully. Then, leaning in close to Gerard’s ear, he said, “Well, if you look this fucking good after sex, maybe I’d like to see if you can handle me.”   
Gerard yelped, softly as Frank’s hand pressed against his crotch, and squeezed very gently._

That had been the point where Gerard had woken up, suddenly.   
And now he fully understood why he was feeling hot and sweaty.   
And something else became immediately obvious.   
“Oh shit.” Gerard groaned, quietly.   
He glanced over at the other side of the bed, glad to notice that he’d managed not to disturb his wife.  
 _Because that’s just what we need… Her knowing I’m still dreaming about him._

Gerard pushed back the bed covers, and got out of bed.   
He headed down stairs, to the small bathroom down there. Hopeful that the water running down here wouldn’t cause it’s own disruption. 

_Cold shower. That’s all I need. That’s it. Just to refresh. Just to stop me feeling so… Hot._  
He hated showers in the normal course of things, baths were preferable, but in this situation, he’d most likely give himself hypothermia by sitting in a freezing bath for the amount of time it’d take him to cool down. 

Pyjamas carefully stripped off, ignoring the fact that the erection he had seemed to respond to the movement of fabric.  
 _Dealing with that. Not a problem. Gone as soon as the cold water goes on._

At first, it seemed like the plan would work. As soon as Gerard stepped in under the cold stream, his skin felt instantly better. Like he was being cooled off, figuratively and literally.   
He could even ignore how uneasy the rushing water usually made him feel. Nothing deep-seated or troubling, he just, generally, didn’t like it.   
Then he remembered the one other time he’d felt this calm under a shower.  
Or, well, calm wasn’t the word, really.

_He absolutely had not meant to stare. It was Frank’s fault for leaving the bathroom door open. He’d been in such a hurry to get into the shower he’d nearly knocked Gerard over in his haste to get there.  
It was their first hotel stop in what seemed like forever, and Frank was desperate to feel ‘properly clean’ again. _

_And now, as Gerard walked past the door again, he’d happened to glance in. The shower screen was completely clear, and despite the light steam on the glass, it still gave a very clear view of Frank, standing under the water, currently washing out the soap in his hair._

_Somehow, Frank seemed to sense he was being watched, and glanced around. At first he looked shocked to see Gerard standing there. Then he grinned.  
“Checking out my ass?” A small wiggle accompanied this accusation, which made Gerard blush even more.  
“No. I--”   
Frank laughed, pleased to see Gerard looking so nervous.   
Then he opened the screen door, letting droplets of water out onto the bathroom floor.   
“C’mon, join me.”  
“What!?” Gerard nearly choked.  
Frank giggled. “I’ll get a fucking medal if I manage to get you clean, now c’mon! I wanna know what Gerard Way smells like after a shower.”   
Gerard could not believe that Frank was able to say this without blushing, without even seeming a little uncomfortable.   
When Gerard didn’t make a move, Frank rolled his eyes. “Fine, then.” _

_Frank had gasped in surprise though when Gerard suddenly, unexpectedly, opened the shower door a few minutes later and joined him._

So, it appeared that while the cold shower would help him from feeling so sweaty, it was not going to help the other problem.   
He shut the shower off, and dried himself off quickly before slipping back into his pyjamas again. 

_Stop thinking about Frank!  
I can’t. I’ve forgotten how to._

He didn’t know where he was heading. But eventually he found himself in the spare room, on the same floor.   
As soon as he closed the door, he knew he’d made a wrong choice.  
The room was slightly smaller than his room upstairs, but not by much, and just as nicely furnished.   
The bed in here was the same size as the one upstairs. And, in their previous home, it had in fact lived in his room. It had been their bed, his and Lindsey’s.  
Until the day Gerard chose to push as far back in his mind as possible. 

Still. It seemed some kind of twisted perfect that he’d end up here, again. Another shameful act.   
He sat on the very end of the bed. And he could swear he heard Frank’s voice in his ear.  
 _“You sure this is such a good idea, Gee? Could get caught, you know?”_  
Gerard answered him, quietly, out loud. “I know. But you know I can’t help it.”  
Apparently, Frank agreed, because he didn’t answer.   
Gerard paused, trying to talk himself out of this, trying to deny he needed it.   
His hand strayed without him giving it permission to. He flinched slightly as his hand pressed against the fabric at his crotch. He’d waited too long to do this, should’ve got it over with in the shower.   
He moved his hand, in small, slow circles. This traced back to Frank too, of course. Whenever Frank wanted to tease him, it’d be a soft, light press of his palm against Gerard’s crotch, then a movement up and down. If he was being serious, and wanted it to go somewhere, it was circles. Gerard never knew why, he just knew that was how it was.   
Frank’s voice in his ear again. _“Remembering my tricks of the trade?”_   
“Can’t forget them.”   
A soft chuckle that sent the hairs on the back of Gerard’s neck on end, even though it was only in his own mind. 

He grew bolder, or, rather, he lost a little more control. His hand reach down into his pyjamas, touching himself, lightly at first, before taking his cock fully in hand, taking it out.  
He winced, slightly, at how good this felt. 

Frank was a firm fixture in his ear now, talking to him, softly, teasingly, encouragingly.   
_“Oh dear, Gee. Lost control now, huh?”_  
“Not yet.” And still, Gerard answered him aloud.   
Another chuckle from Frank. _“Guess so… Fuck. I forgot how fucking hot it is, watching you jerk off.”_  
A pause from the imagined Frank. _“Of course, it’s even better when you’re naked…”_  
Gerard shook his head. “Not tonight.” Then, he added, “You could do something to help me along…”   
_“I’m here, aren’t I? That was enough, sometimes.”_   
Gerard nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, It’s enough.”   
His breathing was already growing heavy, panting softly.   
Then, instead of just hearing Frank, Gerard imagined he could see him too. Standing in front of him, Gerard could see him, even though he currently had his eyes closed. Possibly because he had his eyes closed.   
Frank looked exactly like he had when Gerard had last seen him. Dark hair growing out very slightly, and dressed a little scruffily in ripped up jeans and faded black t-shirt. His eyes had looked tired, but lit slightly when he saw Gerard. (He chose to forget that after the initial spark, the light had faded into defeat).   
Now Gerard focused on Frank’s jeans, the tears in the knees, his mind wandering. The words escaped his mouth before he realised.  
“Gonna make those holes a little bigger?”   
And, smoothly, with that amazing grin on his face, Frank got down on his knees, and placed his hands on Gerard’s knees, pushing them slightly apart.  
Now Gerard’s focus was on Frank’s mouth. Oh, Shit. He knew what he wanted.   
_“Hoping I’ll suck you off?”_ Frank asked, as if he’d read Gerard’s mind (which, of course, he had, since he’d come from Gerard’s mind).  
Gerard nodded. “Miss your mouth…”  
Frank grinned, and leaned closer. Gerard could swear he could feel Frank’s breath hot against the tip of his dick.  
 _“No can do.”_ Frank said, getting back to his feet, making Gerard want to scream in frustration.   
But now Frank was undoing his jeans, letting them fall. Pulling off his underwear.   
And Gerard could just stare.   
Frank got up in front of Gerard again, and pushed him down, onto his back.  
Frank’s hand glanced over Gerard’s cock, then helped him along a little more.  
Gerard was panting hard now, sweat on his forehead, which he hurriedly pushed away with the back of his hand, feeling his hair was damp too. Aware of the sweat under his pyjamas but unwilling to do much about it.   
Then Frank was moving up, onto the bed, and up, onto Gerard.  
 _“Want me, Gee?”_  
“Yes.”  
 _“Really want me?”_  
“Yes!”   
That soft chuckle again, then Frank pushed himself down onto Gerard’s cock.  
Gerard cried out, and trailed off into a long moan.   
_“Look at us, Gee.”_ Frank purred. _“So bad. We shouldn’t be doing this.”_  
“You know what bed this is?” Gerard asked.  
 _“How could I forget?”_   
Gerard focused on Frank, on the feel of him, he recalled so perfectly.   
“Fuck. I love you.” He gasped as the first wave of orgasm hit.  
Frank was still moving on him, but leant slightly forward, hand at Gerard’s forehead, pushing into his soaking hair. _“There we go.”_ Frank said, softly. _“Don’t fight it, just let go.”_  
But, all of a sudden, Gerard didn’t want to, he wanted to stay here, with Frank, and as soon as he came, he knew that would be over. “No. I-”  
 _“Baby… Just enjoy it.”_ Frank soothed.  
Gerard’s head tipped back, and his mouth opened, not to let out words now, but a gasping moan.   
He felt the come on his hand, and the illusion was broken. He snapped his eyes open, for the second time that night. Hoping, uselessly, to be proven wrong, That Frank was there. 

But, of course, he wasn’t. Frank wasn’t there, and hadn’t been.  
Gerard sat up, and swore.  
Hurried back to the bathroom, washing his hands, and splashing cool water on his face.   
He went back to the spare room, and changed into one of the extra pyjamas he kept down here, in case the guests they had were unexpected.   
He went to head back upstairs. But paused when he caught sight of the phone on the side, by the TV in the room. 

Like all his actions so far that night, he couldn’t help himself, he was dialling before he’d thought about it. 

“Hello, Gerard.”   
It wasn’t Frank who answered, and that made Gerard pause. Unsure how to continue. Then he decided to try the relaxed, honest approach.   
“Hey, Jamia. Uh, is… Frank there?”   
A sigh down the other end of the phone. He heard a rustling sound, then footsteps, a click of a door closing.   
Jamia had taken the phone, apparently, got out of bed, and stepped outside the bedroom.   
“He’s asleep. Which, by the way, is a rarity for him.”  
Gerard couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped his lips. “I know how that one goes.”  
“No.” Jamia told him, sharply. “You don’t.”   
That made Gerard pause again. Jamia rarely talked to him like this. She’d always been… Understanding. It was more than Gerard deserved, and he knew it, but it still shocked him now.   
“Sorry.” Gerard offered, quietly.   
Another sigh, and Jamia’s voice sounded tired. “What do you want, Gerard?”   
“I just…”  
What did he want? Really? He knew exactly what he wanted, but at the same time, he had no idea.   
His turn to sigh. “I just wanted to talk to him.”   
“At this time of night?”   
Gerard had no other answer than the truth, “Yeah…”  
“Go back to bed, Gerard. If you really want, you can call again in the morning.”  
Gerard wasn’t sure about that, he had a feeling that, by morning, what little courage he had would be gone. “Can- Can you just ask him if… If he heard my song, and… What he thought of it?”   
There was a silence.  
“Can you?” Gerard prompted.   
“If you kept up with what he was doing as much as he keeps up with you, you’d already have your answer to that one.”  
“What?” Gerard asked, perplexed. “I… I checked his twitter, he hasn’t-”  
“His website! Gerard, check his damn website!”  
Another, small pause, then Jamia said, “I’m sorry. I’m just… We’re just tired.”   
Gerard nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. I’m sorry… I woke you.”   
“It’s okay. Try and get some rest, Gerard.”   
“Thanks, I will.” 

He didn’t.   
Instead he went into his study, and fired up the computer. He could’ve checked just as easily, easier, in fact, on his phone. But his phone was upstairs, on the bedside. He couldn’t risk waking up Lindsey, not now. He’d have too much explaining to do.   
He clicked, hurriedly, to his saved pages, straight to Frank’s website.   
And it was there. Not quite the latest entry anymore, but it was there.   
He’d heard it, and he’d liked it.   
Gerard slumped back into his chair, his head tipping back as he smiled.

As he closed down the computer again, Gerard realised just how exhausted he’d become.  
He didn’t make it back upstairs, and ended up crashing out in the spare room.  
Yes, some thoughts of Frank got into his head, but they did not trouble him, or haunt him.  
Perhaps peace wasn’t as far off as he’d feared…

++

The next morning, Gerard woke up, temporarily disorientated. Aware he was not in his room, upstairs.   
Then the events of the night came back to him, and he blushed. 

And then, he became aware that he wasn’t alone.   
He sat up, and looked to the doorway.   
Lindsey was standing there, looking straight at him.   
Gerard fidgeted. “Morning…” He mumbled, pushing his hand up into his hair.   
“Gerard. What’re you doing sleeping down here?”   
The question was a more than reasonable one.   
“I… Woke up in the night, had trouble getting back to sleep. I… Didn’t want to disturb you.”   
Well, it was true, technically.   
Still, Lindsey was giving him that look. That look. He hated that look, especially because he knew he deserved it. The look of distrust.   
“And, why did I hear the shower in the middle of the night?” Lindsey pressed.   
Gerard winced. “It- It was hot. I couldn’t sleep because I was too hot-”  
“And why are you wearing different pyjamas?”   
Gerard stumbled over his words. She was noticing too many things. What next? What would she see next? What else gave him away?  
“I- I told you, it was hot. I changed into different ones after I showered.” He tried for a smile, a laugh, both came off strained. “Linds, what exactly have I done wrong?”   
She shook her head, and sighed. “I don’t even know anymore.”  
Then she said, “I’m out today, B is with the nanny, so don’t worry about-”  
“I can take care of Bandit. You know that.”   
“I know.”   
A silence between them.   
Then a sigh. “I do love you, you know?” Lindsey said.  
Gerard nodded. “And-”  
“I just!” She cut him off, sharply. “I just wish I didn’t feel like… I’m constantly in competition.”   
Gerard shook his head, and started to push back the covers, get up, go over to her. “You’re not. Of course you’re not. Why-”  
“You’re right.” She said, cutting him off, again. “I’m not in competition, because I already lost. I lost before I even knew I was competing.”   
Gerard sighed. “Linds… If this is about Frank…”  
“Finally!” Lindsey snapped. “Finally he says it! Yes. Of course it’s about him!”

“And you think that’s why I’m sleeping down here?” Gerard challenged, knowing he shouldn’t, knowing, hearing every alarm bell in his head telling him to drop it. “You think it has to do with Frank?”   
“Yes! Because, Gerard, any time something like this happens, it’s because of him! You think I haven’t noticed? Every night you’re getting out of bed, waking up in the middle of the night and leaving our bed. And now I know where it is you go, down here, to this bed, right?”  
Gerard shook his head. “You’re being paranoid.”   
“No! I’m not. And you’re just too fucking ashamed to admit it! What? Do you come down here to relive the old memories of this bed? Of that good time the two of you shared, when you turned our bed into your bed? Do you get off thinking about it?”   
“What do you want me to say?” Gerard snapped back. “You want me to say yes? That’s exactly what I do? Every night I come down here and get off thinking about me and Frank? Really? You wanna hear that?” He paused to laugh. “Next I guess you’re gonna say I call Frank up on that phone and we have phone sex in the middle of the night.” 

Lindsey wasn’t laughing. “You gonna tell me, if I check the phone records, Frank’s number won’t show up?”   
Gerard’s eyes went wide then, betraying him.   
Lindsey’s hand went to her mouth, to her eyes. “Oh my God, Gerard…”  
“It’s not like that!” Gerard insisted. “Please! I promise. I was just… I was just trying to- I didn’t mean it! Yes, I called Frank, last night I called Frank, but only to talk to him. I just… Lindsey, please, he’s one of my best friends, and we were in a band together all that time, I- You can’t tell me I can’t call up my friends!”  
Lindsey shook her head. “You missed out the part where you and him were… Boyfriends, lovers, whatever you want to call it for most of the time you’ve known each other.”  
Now Gerard was shaking his head too. “Please, Linds, don’t… Don’t go out of here angry at me.”   
Lindsey wrapped her arms around herself and shrugged. “I’m not. I spent up all my anger at you a while ago now. I don’t have any left.” 

She walked out then.   
Leaving Gerard to remember exactly when she’d used up all that anger. 

_The morning in the studio had basically been a bust. Somehow, it wasn’t clicking today. Which was fine, really, it just happened some days. Eventually Gerard decided to call time on it. Told everyone to head out, do what they wanted to do for the rest of the day, then regroup tomorrow._

_While the others left, Frank hung back.  
Gerard asked what he wanted to do. Frank had shrugged in return. “You know I’m not good with   
LA…”  
Gerard smiled, sympathetically. Yeah, he knew. And he appreciated the sacrifice Frank was making, to be here. Gerard knew that though his head was here, where the music was, his heart was back home.   
Gerard held out his hand to Frank. “C’mon, I’ll take you somewhere that’s not so LA.” _

_They went back to Gerard’s house.  
As they walked through the door, Frank raised an eyebrow and asked, sceptically. “And just how is this not so LA?”   
Gerard shrugged. “It’s more ‘me’ than it is LA. Figured that might be a little more… Familiar.” Gerard smiled at him, hopefully.   
Frank rolled his eyes, and muttered something.  
“What?” Gerard prompted.   
“I said… Is Lindsey here?”   
For a second, Gerard didn’t quite know what the right answer was. The truth was all he had though.   
“No, she’s not. Her and B are out on a day trip.”   
Frank smiled, softly at the mention of Gerard’s daughter. “Sounds nice.” He commented._

_They headed into the living room. And, for a while, things were just easy. They sat together, talked a little, about little things, and about bigger things. They hadn’t talked like this for so long._

_The kiss was sudden, unexpected by both. One second Gerard was talking, and Frank was listening, nodding. Then Frank had moved suddenly forward, curled his hand around the back of Gerard’s neck and kissed him, cutting his words off mid-sentence.  
Then Frank sat back, and stared, wide eyed at Gerard, trying to figure out exactly what’d just happened.   
Gerard’s head was down, slightly, a small frown on his face, lips slightly parted.   
He went to lift his hand to his mouth, then paused, and looked up at Frank.   
“What was that?”   
“uh-” Frank stuttered.   
“Frank. Please tell me what that was about.”  
“I. Um.” Frank closed his eyes, tight, then shook his head. “Fuck it. Gerard, I could lie to you and say it was ‘nothing’, that it was ‘just something stupid’ and you should ‘forget it’. But it wasn’t, it wasn’t nothing, it might’ve been a little stupid. But I don’t want you to forget it. I want- I want you to **remember**.”  
Gerard nodded then.   
“I remember.”   
He was the one to move forward that time. So sure of himself, and then suddenly not so sure. Frank’s hand returned to the back of his neck, and made him feel that little bit surer. _

_Frank’s lips felt soft, familiar. The kisses they shared were frantic. A niggling thought at the back of Gerard’s mind told him this shouldn’t be happening, but it was a very quiet thought, easy to be ignored amongst the deafening sounds of his heartbeat, Frank’s heartbeat, their softly spiking breathing between each kiss. And, loudest still, the suddenly all encompassing desire for each other. For what they knew, and longed for.  
Lips parted as Gerard’s fingers worked up into Frank’s hair. He jolted slightly when he felt Frank’s tongue against his bottom lip, running over it. Gerard opened his mouth a little wider, a signal, an invitation. He moaned a little bit as he felt Frank’s tongue in his mouth, then he let his own join in, slide over Frank’s, past their lips, to Frank’s mouth._

_Frank’s hand was clutching, tight at Gerard’s hair, while the other was clinging tight to his shirt, bunching it in his hand.  
“Gee.” Frank’s voice came out shallowly, hushed. _

_Gerard didn’t want to stop kissing, so Frank didn’t get a chance to speak, not until Gerard moved his attentions to Frank’s jaw, kissing softly, trailing up to the spot behind Frank’s ear.  
Still, Frank’s hand was tight on Gerard’s shirt, bunching it in his fist, then releasing it. Then doing the same again.   
“Gee. Can… Is it… I want to touch you. Is that… Okay?”   
Gerard wasn’t thinking at this point, so he nodded.   
Frank moved his hand down, carefully pushed up Gerard’s shirt, and slipped his hand up and under.   
Gerard gasped, softly against Frank’s neck.  
And then they were kissing again, more frantically than before. _

_And Gerard’s hand was on Frank’s thigh. And Frank slowly moved his hand down to Gerard’s thigh. And in some strange, perfectly timed unison, both moved their hands up and parted their legs further. Their hands reached each others crotch at almost the same time._

_Then, just as suddenly as it had all started, Gerard stopped, pulled away, and got to his feet.  
Frank stared up at him, shocked, worried.   
Then Gerard reached out his hand to him.   
“I don’t wanna do this down here.” He explained. _

_Even though there was, again, that niggling, telling him this was wrong. This was bad. It had to stop, and soon, Gerard again, ignored it._

_They got to the bedroom door.  
And Frank paused, tried to pull back.   
Gerard frowned at him, asking what the matter was.   
Frank shook his head. “Gerard. I… That’s your room. Yours and… Hers. I. I can’t. Gerard. I-”  
Gerard shushed him, softly, moving up close, hands on either side of Frank’s face.   
“It’s okay. It’s okay. We’re not… We’re just gonna be doing what we were doing, okay, nothing more. I just… Thought we’d be more comfortable, like this.”  
He pushed open the door, and, walking in backwards, he led Frank in. _

_They settled on the end of the bed, at first they seemed a little awkward, unsure once more. Then their faces turned to one another, and they kissed again. And their hands returned to each others thighs, before making the short journey, palms rubbing between each others legs._

_Mouths open against each others as they panted, softly, tongues occasionally darting out, touching, dipping in._

_Without any conversation, they agreed between them to pull their shirts off. Though, immediately after that happened, Gerard pulled back. The blush on his cheeks no longer just flush from their actions.  
His hand stopped touching Frank as he drew both arms back close, around himself.  
Frank frowned, trying to figure out what had made Gerard stop. Then he saw Gerard attempting to cover himself.  
“Oh. Gee. You’re not… You’re not still embarrassed around me, are you, after everyth-”  
“You know I’m self conscious.” Gerard muttered, quietly.   
Frank nodded. “I know.” He said, softly. _

_Frank glanced behind them, at the rest of the bed they were sitting on. He bit his lip slightly, appearing to think something over. Gerard could tell he was reluctant.  
Then Frank got up on his knees on the bed, and crawled forward, pulling down the covers. A hand reached out to Gerard as he started to lay down, and get under those covers.   
Gratefully, Gerard took the offered hand, and moved up to join Frank.  
The two bodies pressed close, lips still joining, one arm loosely around the other, while their other hand returned to their tasks at each others crotch. Both could feel each other bulging against the fabric of their jeans. _

_“Can- Can you… Undo my jeans, just a little?” Gerard asked, shakily.  
“Just a little, it just-”  
“You are kinda feeling like you’re gonna burst out any second.” Frank interrupted, laughing softly.  
Gerard nodded, smiling into another kiss.  
He gasped, loudly, as his belt was undone, then the top button of his jeans, then the zipper was pulled down. He gasped again, a feeling of such relief and pleasure.   
Then he felt Frank’s hand with only the layer of his underwear between then, and he wined, softly.   
He was undoing Frank’s jeans without waiting to be asked. The soft whimper from the other man sending a whole new wave of pleasure through him. _

_Frank moved closer, his mouth going to Gerard’s ear as he whispered, “Are you gonna make me come, Gee?”  
Gerard nodded.   
“Just… Not like this.” Then, with his hands on Frank’s hips, he started to encourage Frank to sit up, while he rolled onto his back, sitting up against the headboard.   
Frank allowed himself to be moved, stumbling slightly, but neither let that deter them.   
He only got the idea when he was sat up, in front of Gerard, his crotch at near enough head height.  
“Gee. Gee, no.” Frank tried to argue.   
But Gerard had already wrapped an arm around Frank’s waist, was pulling him closer, his face pressed gently against Frank’s crotch.   
Then, softly, he started kissing Frank’s erection through the thin fabric, and Frank moaned, almost as softly.   
“Why don’t you want me doing this?” Gerard asked.  
“B- Because you know what it leads to.” Frank said.   
By now, Gerard was pulling down the underwear, just a little, and reaching in. Frank jolted as Gerard’s hand touched his cock, then he gasped, loudly, as Gerard moved closer and let his lips slide over the tip of Frank’s cock.  
“Oh. Shit.” Frank moaned.  
One hand grabbed for the top of the headboard, while the other went to Gerard’s head, grabbing at his hair.  
Gerard slid his mouth slowly down, taking as much in as possible, he worked slowly, carefully. Knowing that drove Frank crazy, that he loved it, but wanted to go faster. Sure enough, the grip in his hair tightened, and Frank took control, his hips doing the work, making the decision on how fast and how hard he moved in and out of Gerard’s mouth. He was panting, loudly, and muttering soft, sweet curses. _

_Eventually, Frank pulled himself away completely. “Damn you, Gerard.” He muttered. “I- I need you.” His head bowed, slightly at this admission. Gerard sat up, went to him, a hand on Frank’s cheek as he said, with red, red lips. “I’m right here.”_

_And now, finally, jeans and underwear were pulled completely down, thrown to the floor and forgotten. More kisses as they undressed each other. Then one long, deep kiss before Gerard turned around, moving onto his side. Frank came up behind him, spit covered fingers reaching down.  
“How gentle do I need to be?”   
“The only time I have sex with a man… Is with you.” Gerard said, by way of an answer.   
It served it’s purpose. _

_Still, Gerard whimpered, his eyes closing tight against the slight pain._

_Then Frank was moving Gerard over, up onto his knees, encouraging him to sit up a little, hands on the headstand.  
“You want me to wear a condom?” Frank asked.   
Gerard didn’t reply. Unsure, again, as to what he wanted.   
“I’m clean, Gee, I promise, but, if it’ll make you feel more comfortable…”   
“Your decision.” Gerard said, quickly. “But… There’re in the top drawer, right side of the bed.” _

_Frank paused, thinking about it. Then he reached over, opening the drawer.  
There was another slight pause, and Gerard wondered if it had struck Frank again, whose room this was, whose bed this was. Possibly thinking of the nights that the condoms missing from box had been used.  
And, suddenly, Gerard wanted to tell him, wanted to cry ‘none of it compares to you’_

_Then, Frank was behind him again, hands on Gerard’s hips. “I decided… No condom.” Frank said. And Gerard nodded, that was fine.  
“You can trust me.” Frank whispered. “I wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt you.” _

_Frank moved into him, slowly, carefully, and Gerard felt… He couldn’t describe it. It was amazing. How, how had he forgotten this?  
Because he’d had to.  
Almost immediately, they fell back into their old rhythms. A little rocky at first, of course, while they got used to each others bodies again, but they knew it all so well, it wasn’t difficult.   
Frank moved slow, but thrust in hard. “Tell me if it’s too much…”   
“It’s perfect.” Gerard replied. _

_“I- I haven’t felt like this-”  
“No. Me neither.”   
“Why did we-”  
“Gerard. Don’t.”   
That simple command, and Gerard stopped talking. _

_Frank rubbed, soothingly at Gerard’s back, while the other hand kept a gentle but firm grip on Gerard’s hip, steadying them both. Then, before Gerard could ask, Frank reached the hand on his back down, to Gerard’s cock.  
“Getting close?” Frank asked, a hint of glee in his voice.   
Gerard nodded. “Frank- Frankie. Can we- I want to see you. Can we move? Please?”   
“Gee.” Frank whined. “I’m really close, I’m gonna come any minute now, if we stop to move-”  
“It won’t take a second!” Gerard said. “Please. Please. It’s- It’s been so long, I just want to see you. Please.”   
Frank leant down, and kissed Gerard’s back, enjoying the slight hot dampness of sweat. Then he moved out, and waited as Gerard moved onto his back, legs parted, bent at the knees.   
Gerard pushed his damp hair back off his face, and watched as Frank came close again, his arms hooking under Gerard’s knees, lifting him.   
Both moaned as they joined again. _

_“You gotta take care of yourself now.” Frank said, as he unhooked his arms, and leant forward to kiss Gerard.  
Gerard nodded. Not only was that easier, but he knew that was the price of making Frank change position when he was so close.   
He reached down, and softly started touching himself. Frank’s eyes darted between Gerard’s hand, and his face, while Gerard was completely, entirely focused on Frank, while Frank continued his sweet, beautifully slow but deep rhythm.   
And then the door slammed open, and their little bit of perfect shattered. _

_“Oh- Oh my God!”  
The two of them parted in an instant. Gerard sat up, eyes wide in shock, heart beating hard for an entirely different reason now as he stared at the door way. _

_Lindsey was standing there, shaking her head. “No. No. No.” Her voice was nearly a sob. “This can’t be- This isn’t happening!”  
Then she turned, suddenly, and started running back down the stairs.   
“Lindsey!” Gerard shouted after her.   
Then he was pushing back the covers, scrambling to get out of bed, hurrying to gather his clothes.   
He felt a hand on his arm, and he shrugged it off.   
“Gerard.” Frank’s voice was firm, but gentle.  
Gerard shook his head, ignoring Frank.   
“Gerard!” Frank repeated, harsher now. “Gerard, please, don’t go after her. Not yet. Let her cool off a bit.”  
Gerard looked up at him then, he’d never felt so conflicted. He wanted, desperately, to stay. Just stay up here, and pretend like there was nothing bad waiting for him.   
Then he shook his head. “I’m sorry. I have to…”  
Frank nodded, effectively allowing him to go. _

_Gerard ran down the stairs, calling out to Lindsey.  
He was still doing his belt up when he came suddenly face to face with her in the living room.   
“You sick, lying, bastard!”  
She raised her hand, as if to hit him, but Gerard backed away in time.   
“What the **fuck**?” He demanded.   
“Don’t pretend you don’t deserve it! You deserve worse! What the fuck? What the fuck were you thinking? Screwing your dirty little secret in our house! In our bed, no less! Do you have no respect for our marriage now?” _

_Gerard stared at her, trying to wrap his head around how to possibly answer that. “I- Of course I respect our marriage! What- I-”  
“Oh, so the whole ‘faithful’ thing comes with a loophole with you, does it, that says ‘oh, except for Frank Iero. I’ll still fucking merrily screw him any time I like’. That how it goes?”   
Gerard closed his eyes, shook his head. “Linds, please. Listen, I-”  
“You know what? I put up with a lot when it came to you and him. Because I knew. Oh, I knew alright. I knew you were going back to your bus, to your hotel room and fucking each others brains out, but I looked the other way! I pretended I didn’t notice! Because I figured, you know what… Let him do it. Let him get it out of his fucking system. You were so oversexed on that tour I needed Frank’s help anyway!”  
Gerard’s jaw clenched. “I was nothing but good to you. I treated you with respect, didn’t I? Did I ever, once, force myself on you? Did I ever come on too strong? No!”  
“Respect? Here we go with the respect again! Is it really respectful in your book to be screwing around with your band mate behind your girlfriends back? Behind your WIFES back?”   
Gerard shook his head. “Listen. Listen to me! What just happened with me and Frank was… I don’t know, it just happened. But it has been the only time! I swear. Ever since we got married Linds, I swear, I haven’t touched him until today.” _

_“And that’s supposed to make it better?” Lindsey said. “Gerard! It proves you two can’t be alone without you trying to hump each other! You’re like animals!”_

_“Stop yelling at him, Lindsey.” Frank said, calmly, as he walked down the stairs.  
Lindsey turned to look at him. “You!” She snapped, a finger pointed at him. “Get the fuck out of my house. Now!”   
Frank held up his hands in surrender. “I will. I will. As soon as I get to say my bit here.”   
“You don’t get a say.” Lindsey said, flatly. _

_Frank looked over at Gerard, saw him, pointedly, looking away from both Frank and Lindsey.  
“Well? Gerard, this is your house as much as hers, am I kicked out before I can even say anything about what just happened?”   
Gerard closed his eyes, tight. And didn’t answer. _

_The hurt was clear in Frank’s voice. “You coward.”_

_“Get ,b >out, Frank!” Lindsey snapped at him. _

_Frank turned his focus back on her now. “You soul sucking bitch. You’re going to destroy him eventually, you know that?”_

_“I said, get out!” Lindsey repeated. “You seem to think you’re something important here. But you know what you really are, don’t you? You’re his dirty little secret. You’re his fag whore! You’re the fucking mistress, Frank! You’re the pathetic younger model that is just waiting for the day when the love of your life finally leaves his wife and runs off with you. If you were a woman, you’d pull the trick of getting yourself pregnant so he’s forced to be with you.”_

_Frank raised an eyebrow at that one. “Oh, like you did, you mean?”_

_By the time either of the men knew what was happening, the vase on the coffee table was in the air, then crashing against the wall, smashing to pieces where Frank’s head had been seconds before.  
Lindsey had a second item in her hand, ready to hurl at Frank, but Gerard had grabbed her arm, stopping her, his other arm around her waist holding her back. “Stop it, Lindsey, that’s enough!”  
She acted like she didn’t hear him. _

_“Don’t you fucking dare suggest that! I was pregnant after me and Gerard got married! You’d already lost, Frank! You’re just too pathetic and lovesick to see it!”_

_Frank leaned over the banister then. “And when did he marry you, huh? After me and him had a fucking argument! Face it, Lindsey, your marriage is because of me! Your marriage was fucking revenge! Now, that sounds like pretty big lengths to go to to get at me, right? NOW who’s the more important?”_

_“Frank!” Gerard snapped. “Shut the fuck up! That’s history!”_

_Lindsey froze then, dropping the item in her hand, letting it smash to the ground. And she turned, to look at Gerard.  
“So it’s true then? What Frank just said… You… We got married because… You were pissed off at him? It was to get back at him?” _

_Gerard stepped back, nervously. “No. No… I mean. I was pissed at him. But-”_

_“Oh. You bastard. You stupid, filthy, lying bastard!”_

_“Stop that!” Frank yelled again from the stairs. “Stop talking to him like that! It’s not his fault! We weren’t- We couldn’t tell anyone! We couldn’t have our relationship out in the open, and it was hard, on both of us! We tried, we’ve tried so hard!”_

_“Frank!” Lindsey snapped. “For the last time. Get out of my house! Now!”_

_“At least listen-”_

_“Out!”_

_“Gerard! Just explain-”_

_“Out! Now! Out!”_

_“Fine, fine, I’m fucking gone!” Frank snapped, running for the door. He slammed it behind him._

_Silence reigned, for a while._

_“So. Explain it.”_

_Gerard shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t even know where to start.”_

_“How about this… Do you love me?”_

_“Of course!”_

_“Do you love him?”_

_Now Gerard looked away again.  
“It’s a simple question, Gerard!”_

_Eyes snapped up, focused entirely on Lindsey now. “Oh. No. It’s not. It’s the least simple question in the world. But, if you want the simple, straightforward answer, then yes. I do love him.”_

_Lindsey nodded. “At least we’re being fucking honest now.”_

_“I was honest before!” Gerard protested._

_“No! You weren’t. Fine. I see where I stand now. I’m going to ask you to promise me, swear to me, you will never touch him again.”_

_Gerard opened his mouth to speak, But Lindsey wasn’t done. “And. I don’t care if it’s a lie. So long as you make sure you never touch him while he’s in this house, any home that’s ours. If you want to bend him over the amps in the studio, go ahead. If you want to screw him in a hotel, fine. If you want to give him a hand job under the table on your tour bus, great, good luck hiding that. If you want to have his head at your crotch while you’re on stage, well, I can put that down to stage persona, so go ahead! But never, never touch him while you are in the home you are raising our child in, do you hear me?”_

_And, feeling completely defeated, deflated, Gerard nodded._

_“Say it. Say ‘I swear.”_

_Gerard closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. “I swear… I will never-- Touch Frank. Again.”_

_Lindsey nodded, satisfied. “Now. Stay out of my sight. I feel sick just looking at you right now.”_

_She left.  
And then Gerard ran outside, praying, but barely daring to hope. _

_Frank was sat at the end of the drive. Knees up, face buried against them. Even before Gerard got to him, he knew Frank was crying.  
He came, and sat beside Frank, and put his arms around him, pulling him close. A few muttered ‘sorry’s’ only made Frank shake his head. So Gerard fell silent, and just held him close. Hoping that actions, intent and feelings would get across what he couldn’t in words._

And, now, in the present, Gerard was the one crying. Out of frustration? Yes, but only with himself. 

Most of the time, he thought he was doing so well now. But he knew, he knew there was one thing missing. Frank was missing. He needed Frank in his life, even more than he’d realised. 

The phone rang, forcing Gerard to collect himself to answer. 

He nearly fell to pieces again when he heard the voice. 

“Frank?”   
He hardly dared believe it. Frank hadn’t called him for… Well, a long time. And when Gerard called him, he was always… Short, clipped, and ended the conversation as quickly as possible.   
Now, he sounded… Relaxed, sort of.   
“Yeah, hey. I, uh… Jamia said you called last night and… I figured it was about time I returned your calls.”   
“It’s… More than good to hear from you.”   
“I heard your song.” Frank said, instead of responding to what Gerard had said.   
Gerard smiled. “Yeah, I know, I saw on your blog.”  
“You read my blog?”   
“Yeah. And your twitter, I’m a regular fan girl.” Gerard teased.   
Frank laughed. And, oh man, it felt good to hear him laugh.   
But, now, Gerard knew he had to ask a serious question, and it scared the life out of him.   
“You said… You liked it?”   
A small pause on the other end of the phone. “Yeah.”   
“And… Does… Does that mean, what I think it does?”   
A much longer pause, and Gerard grew scared he’d asked the wrong question.   
Then, finally, Frank replied, “Yeah. Yeah it does.” 

And, to that, Gerard had to smile.   
The dreams and broken nights sleep hadn’t just been a plague on Gerard to torment him. It had been his subconscious, telling him what he was missing.   
He had a feeling, he might just have got his chance to be whole again.


End file.
